Days Gone By

I keep laughing more and more, specifically in situations where I shouldn't be laughing, where I don't find anything funny. It feels rooted deep, this instinct to laugh. I don't feel like I can fight it, and I'm losing a will to do so. I want to say it will all go away, that it will all stop, but I know that can't be true. I know I don't have long, every day feels like a march to my death, well due to this impulse worming it's way though my head, a roller-coaster ride to my death might be a better analogy.

I think I've defined irony... I wanted to make people laugh, but now laughter is going to kill me. I'm not blind after all, I see it clear as day, I see it now. I see that how in a sick, twisted, way this is all funny, how it could all be a fucking joke. I know why I said it at the funeral now, I get it. I said it's all a fucking joke.

Because my life is a fucking joke, and you know what the worst part is? I just laughed at that statement...

-Max